the blood capillaries in one of her eyes burst on friday. her vision was partially blocked and yet i only come to know of it on sunday night.
she broke down, crying silently in the kitchen. yet no one knows. not even my grandfather as he was out. no one was there to comfort her. no one was there to talk to her. suicides thoughts one again flashed before her mind. she blamed herself for being unhealthy, for being sick, for being a burden to everyone.
when i spoke to her through the phone just now, i realise how lonely and sad she has been. everyday she yearned for someone to be able to accompany her, to talk to her, to chat with her. yet the only thing that surround her is loneliness.
she is one super nice, kind and capable woman. in their kampong times, my grandfather was one bad guy. he left my grandma to struggle alone. he never ever bring home any money nor lifted a single finger to help out with the household chores. my grandma did it all by herself. my grandfather only knew how to drink and smoke and return home all drunk. and when he doesnt like it, he will scold and beat up his children and my grandma. my grandma quarrelled with him many times and there was once, she almost committed suicide. however, she couldnt bear to leave her children behind and hence she hanged on, till today. yes, my grandfather has changed for the better. as he grew older, he realised the importance of kinship and began to reflect upon his actions. today, my grandfather has become one kind soul. and they are one loving couple. :)
however, as a person grows older, he/she tends to get sick easily. both my grandparents suffer from diabetes. my grandfather has high blood pressure while my grandma has heart problems. but my grandma is the much weaker one. i hope she will hang on, like how she did it all this while. hope she has the determination to fight off all her diseases. hope she will regain her strength back and stay as cheerful as before. though my grandma's sisters said that bursting of blood capillaries has occurred to them before and the clot will clear in no time, i am still worried for her. what if the clot never clear up? what if her diabetes make the blood clot worst? ... i think i am scaring myself..
get well soon, grandma. :)
- i hate myself for neglecting her. if not for her, i probably would not have existed in this world.
posted by kaylin. @ 8:30:00 pm
